I was lying in bed this morning, very late this morning… I had a terrible migraine when I got home and finally had to give up and take a zomig, so it was close to ten when I finally rolled out of bed… so right, I was lying in bed this morning thinking about what I would make for breakfast. I narrowed the choice down between blueberry muffins or coffee cake. Oooh, I could make the coffee cake like muffins. I told myself both of these could be saved for breakfast throughout the week.

Yeah, right, like I wouldn’t eat half of either today and the rest tomorrow. Thousands of calories to add to my growing problem known as my fat body.

NO! I can’t keep doing this to myself. I have two weeks to myself. Two weeks when I can’t blame other people for the food options I’m given. Even if my parents are only gone a week, that’s a week I can do something.

I hopped on the scale. I am at 174. Surprise! Somewhere in the last two weeks I’ve lost four pounds. Yay! Now let’s see how much more I can lose. I need to lose 20 more before I get to where I was when I needed to lose thirty. My lowest weight in the last few years was around 154 then everything started ballooning up again.  I’m going to stock up on fruits and vegetables, toss out the chips. I’ve made iced tea to drink instead of diet soda because I feel ridiculous drinking diet soda as if that makes up for all the other calories and the carbonation and everything just causes bloating.

Instead of giving myself huge goals that are so far out of reach, today I will give myself small goals.

I want to lose 2 pounds this week. I can do this. I know I can!

I have a blouse that looks really good on me, but it’s too tight across the bust. I want to be able to button it and it not gap across the bust.

A longer term goal is that when I wear my jeans they aren’t tight around my thighs. I’ve gotten to where I need those relaxed thigh jeans again and as I don’t have the money to buy any and I don’t want to buy any, I’m getting off my fat ass and doing something about it.

So I will restrict my calories and eat healthy foods. I will walk every day, even if it’s just once up and down the drive way.

And I’m also going to do all my laundry and get rid of the clothes that don’t fit and wouldn’t look good even if they did fit. Some charity is about to get a windfall in the clothing department. I will have more clothes to get rid of than to keep. There are some jeans I bought when I was a size ten, they are size 8, that I will keep. They are my long term goals. Those and two dresses. I have a box of dresses upstairs that are size 12. Hope to wear those some day without embarassment.

I must exercise. My midsection is huge. I’m a potato with legs, arms, and an odd head.

Maybe, if I’m feeling brave I’ll put up some pictures, show what I go through when getting ready to go out. How I take pictures over and over, to see if anything is improving and to see how I look. Sometimes I get lucky and get a photo I think looks good and I try to keep that in mind throughout the night.