ok of late

THings have been okay lately. I’m not going to go into any of the bad things. I’ve been avoiding spending a lot of time looking at myself or dwelling on anything, such as what does it mean that practically no one has commented on the fact that I cut almost three inches off my hair and had very blonde highlights put in it? The only comments came from my mother who said: the ends needed to be cut and something about oh now she sees a streak. The other comment was from a friend who said my hair looked redder. Usually when no comments are made about a change that I think is so obvious, I take it to mean the change is terrible and people are not mentioning it hoping I won’t ask.

I went to a ren faire this weekend with friends. Most of us partially dressed up in pirate-y gear. I wore a shirt I made with massively full sleeves that I put a cuff on, and they are nice and ruffled. Three of us love dressing up and were coming up with our wenchley persona since one has decided she has to come up with a new pirate persona and maybe playing pirate wench once in awhile is fun. I have a persona known as Madame and I will be making “her” a to die for jacket. which may never get done since I obsess over the details and things being perfect, then I realize once it goes on me it will not be perfect, it will be ridiculous and I have some sort of breakdown and never finish it because if I won’t wear it no one can.

Yeah, I was trying not to get into the poor pitiful me stuff.

But I did have fun at the fair. Even walked around alone for awhile, made eye contact with strangers, talked to some costumers, and had fun.

I had one grumpy day at work and considering this is Tuesday I guess that isn’t so hot. I didn’t have the shop open today. Found excuses other than it’s simply too damn hot to not go in. Yesterday this woman was really a bitch. I just ignored her. She asked the price of something. It’s this piece from the mid 1800s, very ornate, hand-carved, original finish, quite impressive, and when I told her the price, which is quite reasonable, she said something like ‘that’s just ridiculous’ or ‘oh come on now, don’t be ridiculous’, and in a really snotty tone too. So I just walked off, quit having anything to do with her and ignored her for the rest of the time she was in the shop. Sometimes when people are like that I get nasty right back at them. I’ll either say, wow, is that how you bargain? You must get great deals. Or I’ll wave them off toward the cheaper items and say “Go over there. Nothing over $150. That’s more in your line. Nothing hand-made or hand carved over there.” After looking at everything else she did go back to that big piece and start looking at it again, probably expecting me to come over and try to negotiate on the price but I’ve decided she can’t have it for any price.

I did lose weight! Yay! I was a little pissed off at the end of last week that I’d eaten so little and kept so busy and lost nothing, but today I got on the scale and it was 171. When I first started this blog and got on the scale it was 174. Last week it was still 174. Hopefully next week it will be below 170. The highest it’s been this year was 178. Probably higher I just refused to get on the scale because thinking about it getting any higher was like years ago when I was at my heaviest. I remember getting on the sale one day and it said 198 and I said no freaking way would I get on the scale again because I knew I’d gained weight and I did not want to see the scale say 200+ . So I just avoided it for months until I finally started exercising like mad and knew I’d lost significant amount of weight. But of course no one noticed and I honestly can’t tell the difference between what I looked like then and what I look like now.

This weekend I dropped by a restaurant because a friend called to say she was there bugging another friend who works there. The one who didn’t work there was sitting at the bar eating. The other was behind the bar talking to her. The waiter, who was too young for me, but really cute, would just sort of hover in the background, kept looking at me. I couldn’t decide if it was for good or bad reasons. His expression didn’t give anything away. And for once I didn’t convince myself he was staring at me because I’m a freak. He probably thought I was the one girl’s mother.